I recently had the pleasure of talking to a very wise woman about self-care. I told her I was having a hard time believing I even deserved it, because I thought it might be selfish. I, like most women can think of a million other things to do before I do something for myself. If I were even asked the question what would I do if I could do anything I wanted for myself for one hour in the day I probably couldn’t answer the question. I rarely think about what I like to do, or what I want to do, or my needs in general. I believe that I should be there for everyone else to give advice, a helping hand, or to listen when they need a shoulder to cry on, because I know what its like not to be heard or helped.
She reminded me that although, that was admirable, it doesn’t benefit me or the person I’m trying to help if I’m on empty. In order for me to be the best version of myself, I have to put my needs first. I must operate on a full tank, which means I need to take time to love on myself, whatever that means, if it’s shutting down social media, or turning off the phone for an hour it needs to happen everyday. In that hour I can meditate, read the Bible, take a walk, have tea, take a nap, read a book, journal or just do nothing. Simply putting these things into action everyday is how I keep my love tank full. I need to be unapologetic about caring for myself, if I’m not good then I can’t be good for anyone else.
We then discussed why I would even think I was un deserving of quality time for myself almost like saying I didn’t deserve love. Lets examine, well we came up with something that is not uncommon. Childhood, isn’t it the root of all our issues (lol) after laughing a little I found that the reason I felt the way I do about self-care/self-love is because as a child I wasn’t loved the way I needed, so its foreign to me, I was made to believe I was unloveable, didn’t deserve it, and thus I learned to adjust. I convinced myself that I didn’t need it, and more importantly I didn’t even know how to take care of myself.
I shared that with you because someone out there may be struggling with the same issue of not knowing how to take care of yourself, because you never made yourself a priority and was made to believe everyone else came first and you came last. That notion couldn’t be further from the truth you are worthy and important and deserve to put yourself first without feeling guilty. We all deserve to be loved and we deserve to take care of ourselves and take some time off the grid. When we allow other people to zap us of our energy we give them power that does not belong to them, that power belongs to us alone and must be reclaimed. Now that I’ve given you the permission it’s up to you to figure out what makes you happy, gives you purpose, stirs your passion and make you want to get up every morning. Remember whatever was done to you in the past that made you feel inferior was totally about the other person and had nothing to do with you, forgive them and free yourself.