Happiness is one of those things I thought was someone else’s responsibility. I thought in order to be happy someone had to do something to make me happy. I was unhappy for most of my childhood because my mother and grandmother were both dead, the two people who made me happy so I thought. I had a terrible attitude and felt like God had dealt me a bad hand and often wondered why my mother and grandmother had been taken from me. I felt like I was being punished and had no idea what I had done wrong. I learned in my early 20s the definition I had of happiness was a little twisted. Thank God it didn’t take longer because, having an attitude all the time and being mad at the world was exhausting.
In my early 20s was when I met my boyfriend, now husband. In the beginning of our relationship everything went great, we laughed, went on dates and talked on the phone for hours. I was the happiest I’d been in years and I never wanted this feeling to end. However, we all know somewhere after about ninety days there will be an argument or disagreement. We were no different, I don’t recall what the disagreement was about, I just knew I was devastated and unhappy. I wondered why things suddenly went left, I didn’t understand that in all healthy relationships there will be differences of opinions. I had never seen it nor was I taught that it’s ok to agree to disagree. After a few days had past and all was good, I told my boyfriend I was unhappy with that disagreement implying he was responsible for making me happy.
The only thing I remember after that statement is, he looked at me and said something that would change my life forever. He gave me what some would call tough love because it was hard to hear yet necessary information for the success of our relationship. He told me he was NOT responsible for my happiness and it was something I’d have to figure out on my own. Although I was devastated and somewhat embarrassed that he just said that, when I got home I took a long hard look in the mirror. I ask myself how do I make myself happy, what does that even mean. I didn’t have a clue in hell on how to make that happen.
After some self evaluation and talking to a few people, I realized happiness is a state of mind it comes from within. It’s like gratitude in the since of it being a choice, one has to decide to be happy. No matter what the circumstances are it’s in your power to be happy. Although there are people in our lives we enjoy being around because they may bring out happiness, by making us laugh or because they exude positivity. The decision to be happy is still our choice to make, when we allow someone to determine our disposition we give them too much power.
There’s always two ways to look at a situation, negative or find the positive you have the power. For instance, I love flowers for any occasion or no occasion I find that they make me happy. My husband on the other hand thinks they are a waste of money because they die. Therefore he does not buy them, I, instead of calling him selfish or getting mad at him, I simply buy flowers for myself. That’s just one example of how I make myself happy, there are many others. The point is, you are in charge of your own happiness whatever that looks like to you everyone’s happy looks different. Never give that power to anyone else, when you find yourself in a negative situation find the silver lining and turn the situation around for yourself. If you practice that, you will find yourself happy more than not and most important, always remember things could be worse.