The past few weeks have been tough for me, I’ve been having increased chest pain and experiencing extreme fatigue. Some readers who know me personally know I suffer from chronic chest pain and fatigue due to heart disease. For those of you who are getting to know me from this blog this is news to you, so I’ll give you a little back story. I have an illness called Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection (SCAD) I was diagnosed in 2003. Since being diagnosed I’ve been disabled, because of the chronic chest pain and fatigue. I don’t have these symptoms everyday, I have good days and bad days. For the past few weeks I’ve been having more bad than good, sometimes I have bad days because I’ve over exerted myself by driving, cooking, house work or just staying out of the house too long. Sometimes the pain happens with no rhyme or reason, there are times when I can push through if I have to, and others such as the past few weeks when I just can’t seem to get out of bed.
This disease is very frustrating although to see me you would never know I was sick or that I’m having a hard day. I praise God for the fact that I don’t look sick, make no mistake about that however, it does make things difficult when explaining why I am unable to do certain things. When I’m with my friends and family they sometimes seem to forget there are things I can’t do anymore or that I need help. When I have a good couple of days I tend to overestimate my abilities by doing more than I should then pay for it days after. That’s another part that’s frustrating, I don’t have to be doing anything that’s taxing on my heart, I could just be out having lunch with friends and when I get home I pay for it by being in pain all night.
I usually only vent this way when I’m in pain and frustrated, today I’m in pain and frustrated. I usually focus on the fact that most people die from this disease and God chose to save my life. Or the fact that two of my childhood friends got sick years after I did and they are both dead. Or I focus on the reason God saved my life is because I am to use this illness and my struggles to help others and to give God the glory in the process. I am a living testimony to Gods goodness and mercy, a walking miracle. That I have a purpose and an assignment that no one can do but me. I am the published author of Revelation at Cliff House, the book is my testimony of the heartbreak, betrayal and abuse God brought me through as a child that’s why I’m alive. All of that is what usually keeps me in proper perspective.
With all that said, I’m human and today I’m gonna be real with y’all and say I ain’t feeling none of that today. I’m in pain, I’m tired, I’m tired of being sick and, I’m tired of feeling like a burden to those around me (no one says I’m a burden but that’s how I feel). So ladies and gentlemen there you have it, my name is Cynthia Lombard and I’m not spiritual or encouraging all the time.
If you would like to read about my entire journey with heart disease it is listed in the archive section of the blog. It chronicles my journey from the beginning to present day. The title of the first post is, In the Beginning. I hope you will take a look, it is quite a testimony and very inspirational.