When we get married our husband is undoubtedly our best friend and confidant. However it’s my opinion that there should be a balance between friends and marriage. I have heard many women speak of loosing their identity when they got married. The reason being, they either stopped hanging out and talking with their friends or their husbands friends wives became their friends. I understand how that can happen especially becoming friends the wives of your husbands friends but, let’s face it you can’t be completely comfortable with that situation because in the back of your mind you have to be wondering if she is telling her husband what you two are talking about. Although your not trying to hide anything from your husband he does not need to know everything you talk about with your girlfriends.
One way to keep from loosing yourself, is to schedule time with your girlfriends. The ones you had before you got married, ones you had perhaps since childhood or even college, the reason I say childhood is because they are the ones who know you best. You can be free to talk about a new chick flick that the two of you can see together or a lunch spot you’ve been wanting to try or, a new project you are working on and you need a girlfriend perspective. It’s always good to be with friends who have your back. It’s a wonderful feeling to be who you are without judgement. The fear of judgement is a huge component of causing you not be true to yourself.
By loosing your identity I mean the only thing you talk about is your husband and what he’s doing. Your husband and his friends and family are the only people you hang out with, I’m all about standing by your man however, you have a life too with dreams and aspirations of your own. It’s not all about him and what he’s doing all the time. That’s why you need time for yourself with your girlfriends ones you trust and feel comfortable with laughing and just being yourself. If you don’t make time for these moments you will begin to resent your life and your husband. I saw this so many times with friends and relatives before I got married. I made a promise to myself that, that would not happen in my marriage. I took some simple precautions to make sure there was a balance between spending time with the husband and MY friends.
I know how important spending time with the husband is, so I make sure nothing disturbs those plans. I’m fortunate in the fact that my husband got to know my friends before we got married to the extent they became his friends as well, some were married some were not, the point being he felt comfortable with me hanging out with them, because he knew them and their character which is important because it makes it easier to maintain the friendship. Don’t get me wrong it’s nothing wrong with having your husbands friends wife and even his relatives as friends and doing couple things together, I do that as well, I consider some of my husbands family good friends however, let’s be honest they can’t help but have a favorable bias toward him. That is something you need also friends with an unconditional bias towards you, that’s why it’s important that his friends are not your only friends, and you don’t loose yourself in the process.
Moral of the story, maintain a balance in your marriage don’t loose yourself or your voice, your dreams or your friends they all work together in maintaining a happy life and a happy marriage.